Tony had been waiting patiently when I messaged him that he could join us in the delivery room.  He knocked and I let him in. He greeted everyone and then approached the warming bed where his newborn daughter lay. She barely peaked out of her swaddle and hat, freshly covered in eye ointment. I lifted her up to his arms. As soon as Tony started to speak sweetly to his baby girl, the birth mom began sobbing. It seemed her excitement and strength had broken down. She sounded so broken. So hurt. Through the painful sobs, I could hear her say, “I can’t do this” as she leaned on her boyfriend.

Oh, how I would wish we could re-do that moment. But I believe God has redeemed that time and will complete the healing of the wounds that caused such hurt. That’s what God does! I pray for this healing and redemption. I believe in it.

I didn’t want to hear her cry. I loved this lady and I was causing her pain. Tony and I looked at each other in agreement and placed our innocent baby back in her wheeled crib and told them we were going to give them some time. We could not make out the distressed words through the emotional, loud tears, as we exited the room.

Well, that was not expected. And we have never spoken about that moment again. I can only imagine that it must have been difficult to see two people who love each other very much, in a stable marriage and family, holding her baby that she so much wanted, but yet felt she could not provide family and stability. One day I hope the birth mom will be able to verbalize those emotions and explain how she was delivered from the pains of her own father and desires for her children to have a father. I pray, that even right now, she is knowing the love of her heavenly father. Won’t you pray with me for this sweet, amazing lady.

I don’t know what they were saying in that delivery room when we left. I didn’t want to think about those feelings. I didn’t want to think about the possibility of a change of heart and mind. What I had learned after the brief six weeks of getting to know the birth mom, is that she had often times expressed her wishes for her baby and then in the very next breath stated her desire for her to be in our family. She would often follow a statement that caused me to hold my breath in fear of her changing her mind with an expression like, “I can’t wait to see your boys with her.” I would think about all of this and reassure myself many times; she loves our family for her daughter. She still loves our family.

Tony and I went back to the waiting room and filled in the social worker. After about thirty minutes or so, the social worker– who still hadn’t seen the birth mom or baby, decided we could try to get some food for the very hungry mama. I went with her. I think I was pretty anxious to make sure she was okay and see if we were needed and where we fit into the picture these next two days. I didn’t write down many details of this part.  Have you ever been in a situation like this, where you feel out of place, like you are imposing, and yet you have a critical role? You just don’t know what it is exactly , so you kinda stand back, arms crossed, awkwardly smiling with lips closed? Well, that was how I handled it for the next several minutes. I wasn’t sure when I could hold the baby and when to nurture the mama. But I was so grateful to have the social workers there, leading the way. They had built a special relationship with both the birth mother and her boyfriend and definitely brought a comfort to us all.

Let me just add that in all the emotion and commotion, birth mama still had the heart and generosity to include me in everything, including getting a copy of the baby’s footprints and even ankle band. She insisted on two of everything so she and I could both keep one. If that doesn’t just warm your heart and bring you to tears… Amazing lady!

Please pray for her! Pray that she knows that she is loved! Pray that she knows her worth in Christ! Pray as you feel led. Her life is very important to us. Right now! Not just in the coming years when Moriah wants to know more. Right now! Thank you.