Once Tony was as sure as I, we started preparing a room for our daughter. We still had not even made one application but we were preparing something we knew we could handle. The kids loved painting her room. I loved buying lacy curtains and “girly” prints. But it was time to get to business too. I had embraced the joy of the journey but we struggled with connecting that to the logisitics of adoption.

We attended a workshop for adoption, where we heard from families that had adopted through a variety of means. And we took those thoughts and made the calls to the agencies and state departments. We visited websites and read blogs. The road seemed so wide and I needed the path to narrow a little. There were so many options for us but there were road blocks too. Some agencies we called told us up front we would never place with them because we had three biological children. It stung, because I honestly did not want to take a child from a couple that was starting their family. For this very reason, I think I was more comfortable with international adoption. I cannot fully put it into words. I think that part of my emotion still stays tucked in my heart. I read a lot stories that brought up a lot of emotion. God bless those that cross the sea and borders to bring home their child. It is a very emotional process. And I really thought that was where we were headed. But Tony felt otherwise. He reminded me how much we love babies; that it was worth it for us to try to adopt an infant. He signed us up for classes to adopt through the state through fostering. And then a week before the classes, we knew fostering was not for us. God bless those that foster. Those parents bare special talents and burdens and we knew it was not for us, or our boys. What was for us? We didn’t seem to have a plan at all.

The book I was reading by Bob Goff named Love Does had this to say, “God asks us what it is He made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, ‘Let’s do that together’…it’s not all planned out for us either, and that’s where most people get too nervous to take the next step. But know this: when Jesus invites us on an adventure, He shapes who we become with what happens along the way.”

I know he made us to love our sweet child that was growing in our hearts. I felt so excited to be on this journey with God and to find and love her forever. I didn’t want my plans. I wanted his.

It would be many more months before we saw parts of the plan transpire. All the while, these sentiments were echoed in my journal: “Our Joy will be the result of faithful trusting acceptance of God’s will. Joy is the daughter of calm. Our God is so good and He loves us so very much. Until he speaks more, we are reading as much as we can and preparing in every way we can. We don’t want to rush this perfect and ordained meeting of our hearts. Soon enough, baby girl!”

We finished our home study in July 3013 after going through months of trainings and visits and deciding to work with the agency Christian Family Services. When we chose them, it was mainly just a feeling. I probably hadn’t asked them near the questions I should have. What I did know was that the private adoption attorneys I followed made adoption seem like a business and I often became frustrated with the process, even though we never applied with them. And although a few people we knew recommended another agency in Tampa, we were drawn to the local Christian agency. Their website showed their belief in the Holy Spirit’s prompting and God’s timing and things that mattered to us the most. It was after we had turned in our initial application that we met the staff and saw pictures of babies that had been placed and learned more about this agency. They had been in business out of a local church for 35 years. They handed us a newsletter that showed families just like ours and made us feel more comfortable about our choices. You see, it sometimes has crossed my mind that we might be selfish for wanting to adopt a baby that could go to a family that cannot have babies. But God doesn’t see us like that. I think He sees our family as a great place to be and wants to bless a baby with our family. And seeing pictures of a military family with four boys by birth and two daughters by adoption was so refreshing to me. The attorney’s posts gave me a similar view. He was honest to post some details of applicants and who the birth mother picked. And about half of the applicants looked like us: 30-40’s with a few kids; the other half was without other children. It seems silly to me now that I needed this kind of confirmation, when I had God’s appointment from the beginning, but He has continued to pour out His guidance and approval.

Sometimes in the midst of the waiting, I would start to get antsy but then I would remember that God had planned this entire thing out and he wasn’t going to let us miss any of it. We knew we were certainly on our way to meeting our daughter.