I was glad that our daughter was not born prematurely. However I was getting grumpy waiting to meet my precious. I wish I didn’t have to report this, but in all honesty, I was a hot mess. Since we were told she would probably deliver early, we had unhealthy expectations. And by we, I mean “I”. It was all me. I seriously started to fray at the edges. I had set arbitrary dates in my head that would be cool for her birth. May 14 ^th , the date I thought would be neat (sharing the 14 ^th with Jude, since Isaac and Sy share 13s) and realistic(full moon), passed. And when her due date, May 21 ^st, passed without baby too, I was stressing out. In fact, as the dates came and went, I really was losing my excitement and gaining fear, fear that she wouldn’t come at all. There was no real foundation for this fear, just a weak inner voice that I bought into. Instead of holding onto the promises, I was believing lies.

We had a lot of illness go through the house too. Our family had a horrible GI bug and I got a strange, long-lived (two weeks) laryngitis that needed antibiotics. Then our agency told us we had to start repeating some of our home study documents, including all of our physicals because they had expired. I was not happy about that. I tried to talk myself into finding my joy again. I knew very well that Satan was trying to steal my joy and I knew God was allowing it for something greater, but my attitude and sulking didn’t reflect my faith. I moped around, mad that I had to continue to go to work, when I only wanted to be with my baby. I felt like I was failing this small trial. And I was making up this trial altogether when actually it was just normal gestational preparations. Fear crept in that something was wrong and there could be difficulty at birth. I took off work on the 20 ^th and prayed and worshipped and tried to snap out of my funk. I begged for the Lord’s peace. And he kept showing me His presence. Every prayer was answered. My friend rushed our physicals, another friend called me in a prescription so I could be well, and all along I kept reaching out to friends that would pray. So many people were praying for our baby and her birth-mom and us. SO MANY people loved her before she was born.

On the 22 ^nd , my sister-in-law texted me to see how I was holding up.  Trying to come up with something positive, I replied. And as I typed the words, the realization hit me. I really think the Holy Sprit actually took over my typing fingers and spelled it out for me. “ This period of waiting had allowed the birth mom and I to form a relationship.”  This would be huge. It was huge. I hadn’t even realized it until that moment (and I wouldn’t see it for all it’s worth until months later). We both genuinely cared for one another. In fact, I felt very motherly towards her. And I think she thought a lot of me as a mother; she had even given me some precious gifts for Mother’s Day that I keep out on display all year round. And I knew that period of waiting had really made that possible. I felt my excitement and joy return.

That evening the social worker called to tell me how the birth mom’s ultrasound and doctor appointment went. She said the baby’s heart beat was strong and she was ready, sleeping the whole ultrasound in preparation for the birth. The birth mom was contracting most of the time and being monitored. But they didn’t keep her at the hospital. They sent her home to rest and return in the morning to get help moving things along medically. We should have a baby sometime during the weekend–the Memorial Day Weekend.